Daughters of Mumbi bride price

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Kikuyu’s Ruracios are lucrative schemes, kikuyus are known for detecting money creation chances even where finding one is by the skin of your teeth.

If you have a plan to get hitched to a daughter of Mumbi, your gift paying day will be something close or similar to this.

Just to warn you in advance everything in the event is salaried from women ‘arirririis’ to cars ‘pipipii’.

women will be waiting at the entrance, don’t be fooled by their ‘arirririis’ and welcoming songs because they had spent the entire week looking for the largest padlock they could trace and ‘threw’ the keys away, in short you have to pay for gate to be opened.

Accidentally you forget to hoot to notify them of your arrival, be sure to recompence or hoot so loudly you will recompence for trying to cause noise, women pettiness must have originated from the daughters of Mumbi.

Aunties get the chance to ask money for raising your bride well, why do you have to pay them for raising their own kid?

 Apparently, you pay for wanting and loving their niece. Craziness.

Don’t make a mistake getting late because you will have to pay them for waiting for you, if you promised to arrive at 2pm please be there at 1:59:59 because a second earlier is disrespectful and that amounts to a fine.

Arriving late makes food get cold and since nobody likes cold food you have to pay for fire used to warm the food and also pay the women for warming the food.

In summary the kitchen business is a department on its own, you will buy food, drinks and pay women to cook, failure to which they will cook and ask you to pay, be sure to pay an amount five times the actual cost, so be wise pay in advance.

Villagers also took part in raising your soulmate, they need to be appreciated, you will buy lesos for women and beer for men.

Did you know that you have to compensate the younger sister for sleeping with your bride when they were growing up? Yes, she had to persevere your wife’s farts and cold legs, a little gift would be cherished.

How is it your business how they slept? Don’t bother looking for answers, you won’t find any and if you do, it will be that the elder sister has to get her younger sister sleep on the (falling) front side of the bed since she had been sleeping at the ‘corner’, I hope that is explanation enough.

Not to be mistaken, all this is not part of dowry, haha… call them miscellaneous expenses ….

Before I forget just know that if your wife happened to break any of her mother’s utensils when growing up you will pay, owe unto you if she was the careless type, you will have to buy a whole lot of household goods.

For your information all mothers wait for this moment, payback for all the trouble the girl had instigated.

Now the actual dowry happens, some few respected men and women are chosen to lead the negotiation.

They ask you to pay thirty goats, you celebrate thinking they like you and don’t want to stress you with large amounts of money only to be told one goat is kshs.20,000.

To console you they tell you can buy her on hire purchase, with an offer of taking her with you, I said buy because that amount can’t be a token of appreciation.

By taking I mean you have to identify her from a group of covered women, all wearing matching lesos and shoes, if you fail to choose your spouse you get fined. Many fail here not unless you she hints you what she will be wearing.

 Are dowries not meant for appreciation? Is six hundred thousand anything near appreciation? I had to write the amount in words so that you can feel the intensity of the amount am talking about, plus the miscellaneous expenses.

Some of you will divorce their kikuyu girlfriends after reading this, please don’t we are worth every penny.

 ADIOS