In Fatuma’s house, you will wake up to Anjera/Injera...

Happy feast (Eid Mubarak), so this is how good holidays feel on a weekday… we should have more of these.

Thanks to the cold I am feeling old, I am on my tenth cup of tea, taking a lot of tea is a sign you are getting old.

 It is not aging that I am afraid of, it is peeing. Do you know how many times old people wake up to pee at night?  I would hate anything to disturb my sleep.

Holidays are for the working group, the rest of you every day is a holiday, count me out, or you don’t think writing is work, not that am complaining.

If you want to give us a holiday, do it like the Muslims, they do not spend all their holidays in one month, see after Ramadhan they remember they will get tired of waking up and decided to spare one day, that was kind of them.

Like the Christians, I think Christmas should not be followed by boxing day, it is a waste of holiday, you people receive no gifts, the day should be somewhere in January, at least people can take a break from the long month.

Talking of kindness, have you ever been around Muslims on their celebrations?

They are very generous, they feed everybody around them during their festivities. Every time they have a feast try straying near a mosque.

 There is something about walking near places, you always walk away with something, near mosques on Eid, you get food, near KEMSA you get tenders, try walking near a beehive you will walk away with a puffy face…. that is something, right?

Muslim women are very good cooks, their teachings when growing up must have included kitchen skills. Every dish from them is delicious, I did not know that rice would taste so much better if called ‘wali’ try calling yours that next time after cooking and you will notice a difference.

If you looking for a woman who can cook, consider Aisha and Fatuma, don’t go for Shiku or Bobo and expect delicacies. I do not mean that Kikuyu women can not cook but we all know better than choosing to drown.

In Fatuma’s house, you will wake up to Anjera/Injera whatever the spelling is, (don’t ask what that is I also don’t know but I hear it is cooked for breakfast) served with liver while in Nasimiyu’s, some last night ugali will be served, the ugali is usually brown and harder than all our lives put together.

Their houses smell so good and sick at the same time, they have different perfumes for every room, one for the kitchen, the bedroom, this is no place for a pregnant woman, pregnant women are so dramatic, they throw up after smelling onions, now imagine the mixed scent of roses, lavender, and chakras, they would throw up babies.

We are grateful for today’s holiday but that does not mean that we have forgotten that we have never had one from the Hindus.

Those ungrateful fellas, they have inhabited this country as their own.

We allowed them to set up their Shukri, Patel distributions, as if that was not enough, we went ahead and translated their Abishek and Sigh movies into our mother tongues but still no holiday from them.

What is more annoying is how unbothered they are; I doubt they even notice.

That is no way to treat your hosts.

Adios….