Carry it under your armpit...

 I hate interviews, I know you do too, that is why you will keep reading.

I chanced to attend one this week, the job required fifteen candidates but they shortlisted a whole bunch of forty penniless undergraduates, did I mention that it was supposed to be a one-day job.

It was my first formal interview, not that I have not been to interviews, but the previous ones did not require much effort just dressing up well and forcing a smile, you bet I can do that effortlessly.

 This one was different, and after facing the interviewing panel I realized I had underestimated the job for being a single-day task.

On your interview day make sure you arrive early at the venue, what if they were looking for timekeepers or bell ringers (I know nobody is looking for bell ringers. It’s just a phrase I have used so pass. Out here your troubles keep you awake), and you know what they say about early birds, they catch the largest worms.

Carry all your original documents, anything to prove that you are fit for the position, this will also help you scare your fellow candidates thinking you are more qualified than them, look for the largest envelope you can find and carry it under your armpit, if you carry it on your hands, swing it as you walk.

I was shocked to find out that people attach their baptism cards, pastors' note even as ridiculous as letters from their area chiefs. Why would you need a baptism card to get a job not unless you are applying for a preacher’s position?

Preachers don’t go for interviews, they are called, they hear voices or have dreams asking them to work for God, or have you ever come across an advert looking for pastors.

Most important face your interviewer with courage and confidence, a little tensing is allowed (I did not do that…but if you can please do).

I hear after every question you answer with a thank you first, then defend yourself like your life depends on it.

Maintain eye contact and be comfortable, you can even ask for a cup of tea if the interviewer is your father or mother and the job in question is a family business.

Take deep breathes to reduce tension, if the tension intensifies ask for a yoga mat and don’t blame me if you fail to secure the job.

I know you are dying to know whether I secured the job or not, of course, I did, that is what happens when you pray every day and give tithes.

I also qualified in the most tensed and anxious group if it existed.

To be honest, I was so strained and had to take deep breathes, it worked, I was unstable all through the interview.

Some questions are simple yet so difficult, what do you answer to a ‘tell us about yourself' question, to  start with,  you are no one, all you do is post memes all day and read a thousand comments of strangers arguing online.

A couch potato you are.

On a serious day, you watch YouTube tutorials on how to make money without working and on how to be a stay-at-home daughter and the only time you work is when you need to roll to the other side of the bed.

Don’t fumble just say something you had written on your cv, remember not to lie about the references as some might call to confirm whether they are real people.

When you fail, walk your walk of defeat with confidence, remember failures do not define you, keep trying because we all live to fight for another day, motivational, right?

Keep it here for more tips …hahaha.

ADIOS